| I sighed as I stretched my back, trying to ease the kinks in it. Leaning over mending was not easy on the neck and back.
It was warm already, being April in south central Texas, and I was dreading when summer would hit full-force. I went to the kitchen area of our small house and got a cool drink of water. Well, it was as cool as could be under the circumstances. The crock kept it fairly cool, at least better than the air temperature.
The chicken was stewing nicely on the stovetop. The vegetables were prepared and ready to add when it was time. I went back to my mending out on the porch. I don't know how two men could be so rough on clothes. Well, I guess ranching is hard work, even as small a ranch as my husband Matthew and I had. He and his hired hand, Caleb, were forever tearing cloth, or losing buttons. It was just part of my life as a wife in 1890.
Matthew had gone to Austin to take care of some business. He left Caleb here to take care of the ranch chores, and to watch out for me. I felt better with Caleb being there; it was kind of scary being out as far from town as we were. It would only be another day until Matthew came home. I missed him. We had only been married for 6 months, so the newlywed bloom was still fresh.
I did the mending until it was time to put the vegetables in the stew, then puttered around doing other assorted chores until the stew was finished. I went to the door to call Caleb; he was already out at the pump washing up. I guess he had smelled the stew and biscuits.
Caleb came in just as I was putting the food on the table. He was really a nice man. He and Matthew were about the same age, 26. I was 19 and very naive. Typical for a young woman of my day.
I smiled at Caleb and we sat at the table to eat. We really didn't have a lot to say; it was kind of awkward, really. He tried to carry a conversation, cajoling me into talking. Supper was soon over and we carried the dishes to the dry sink. I washed and Caleb offered to rinse and dry them. He even poured the hot water from the bucket heating on the stove into the dishpan for me. After the soap shavings melted, I washed our few dishes and he rinsed and dried. I hung the dishrag and towel on pegs and turned around. Caleb was standing just about a foot behind me.
"Oh! Caleb. I didn't know you were standing there" I laughed nervously. "You startled me."
"Miz Sarah, I didn't mean to frighten you", he said as he closed the short distance between us. I realized that I was trapped between Caleb and the dry sink. I was afraid. I had heard that some men would "take" women who were not their wives, do "things" to them. He put his hands on either side of me, leaning onto the cabinet behind me. He leaned down to my ear and whispered that he wasn't going to hurt me.
"Sarah, I just want to make you happy, to make you feel good." He was kind of nuzzling around my ear as he spoke quietly to me. "I know that Matthew doesn't make you feel really good, honey, and you deserve all the pleasure your body can stand."
I jerked my head back and looked at him, my eyes wide with fright. I asked him what he meant about Matthew.
"Oh, honey, I've heard what goes on...or rather what doesn't go on...in your bedroom at night."
"You've been snooping around our house at night?" I said with as much indignation as I could muster in my current state of nervousness. What was he talking about? What was he going to do?
"I didn't start out listening in on you two. It kind of just happened. After you and Matthew went to bed at night, I would sometimes sit on the porch swing out there and enjoy the cool night air, looking at the stars. One night I guess Matthew had forgotten to close the window, or maybe it was always open at night and I'd just never noticed before. But that night I heard the unmistakable sounds of "bed talk". I could hear Matthew murmuring things to you and I knew that he was going to be making love to you." Caleb looked at me, but I would not, could not, look at him. I was so horrified! Someone had heard what went on in my bedroom at night!
"You shouldn't be saying these things to me, Caleb. It isn't right." I tried to push him away, but he stayed in place and continued his story, whispering to me. I could feel the loose hair that had fallen from my bun tickling my neck, his warm breath making the tendrils move.
"I got up to leave, but found myself walking over closer to the window. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help myself. As I stood there, I heard Matthew talking and telling you that he would be quick, as he always was. I didn't hear anything from you. It sounded like he was consoling you or something. I listened, and heard Matthew grunting, the bed squeaking, then he groaned and it was over. I heard him thank you, then murmur some other things that I could not make out, and then it was silent."
"I can't believe you did that, Caleb. Please, let me go. I think you need to leave now. I won't say anything to Matthew if you leave, but I will if you are still here when he comes home." I was frightened, not knowing if he was going to do to me what men do to women, what Matthew did to me at night. I knew that men sometimes did that to women who weren't their wives. I kept trying to break free, but he just pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me.
"Sarah, you are too sweet, too lovely to have to put up with that kind of marriage bed. I'll go, but first I want to show you what you are missing. What Matthew does not give you. What he SHOULD give you." He leaned down and kissed me. I tried to wrench free from him, but he held my head in place, licking my lips with his tongue. I was horrified. Matthew would kiss me with his tongue in my mouth, but he was my husband. I worried that Caleb would try to do that, too. And he did. He squeezed my jaw so the my mouth was forced to open and he slipped his tongue inside. Dear God, please help me! I prayed. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, not moving. He kissed me, his tongue exploring all around the inside of my mouth, just as Matthew did. He sucked on my tongue, even! Oh, my! What was happening? He shouldn't be doing this to me. And worse, I shouldn't like it. What? I liked it? Dear God, I did!
He pulled back from the kiss and looked down at me again as I averted my eyes from his face. "I'm going to give you a climax, Sarah. Do you know what that is?" I shook my head. His fist hit the cabinet behind me. "Damn your hide, Matthew. You have this special woman in your bed and you don't even try to pleasure her." he cried out. Then lowering his voice, "Sarah, honey, let me do this for you. I promise to leave, but please let me do this for you."
I didn't know what to say; I was dumbfounded. Caleb picked me up and carried me to my bedroom. "I hate to do this on the bed you share with him, but it is the only one you have", he told me as he stood me up next to my marriage bed. He kissed me again, softly. He pulled the pins out of my hair and let my long brown hair cascade down my back. I could feel his fingers running through my hair as he leaned down and inhaled the scent. It felt good. This was so wrong. Another man was touching me intimately, taking my hair down, kissing me. This was so wrong and I was enjoying it. I must be like those "bad" women who work in the saloon. I'd heard that they let men do things to them and even take money for it! Surely I wasn't like them.
I realized that he was unbuttoning my dress. "No!" I told him. "You can't do this, Caleb." I was near tears, but not wanting to cry in front of him. I tried in vain to push his hands away from my dress, but he continued on. I just wasn't strong enough to fend him off.
"Sarah, I'm not going to rape you. I'm just going to give you some very good feelings. Honey, a climax is when a man makes love to a woman and he does things to her that makes her feel so incredibly good. So good that her body just gets to the point that it feels like it will explode with pleasure." He was finished unbuttoning my dress by this time. I was almost in shock, hearing the things he was telling me. Things he should not be saying to me. But I was astounded. Did things like that really happen between men and women? Could women enjoy what their husbands did in bed? What Matthew did with me wasn't unpleasant, and sometimes I started getting these funny feelings in my breasts and in that private place between my thighs. But Matthew would always spill his seed in me before it got to feeling really good.
"When Matthew gives you his seed, Sarah...when he finishes making love to you...that is his climax. He feels very good at that point. Apparently he never takes you to that peak. I'm going to. Tonight."
I was determined to get this over with, since I obviously could not disuade him, or fight him off. I just stood there and let him have his way with me. I would not enjoy it; I wouldn't give him that satisfaction.
Caleb was kissing my face, my lips, my throat. My head was tipped back, and I felt my dress being parted and pulled down off of my shoulders. He was seeing my chemise! My underclothing! I was horrified. But I stood stock still, trying to control my breathing. He pulled the ribbon that tied my chemise and soon it was spread open, my breasts bared to the night air.
There was a full moon, so he hadn't lit a lantern. I knew that he could easily see me in the moonlight, see my body, that which only my husband should see. I heard Caleb take a sharp breath in and let it out, whispering how beautiful my breasts were. He leaned down and licked one of my nipples! Oh dear Lord I must be a wanton because it felt really good. Even better than when Matthew did the same thing. What was wrong with me?
He pushed my dress all the way down to the floor then sat me on the bed and removed the dress and chemise from me. My shoes and stockings were next. I was totally naked in front of this man. I scrunched down and tried to cover my body as best I could, but Caleb took my arms and spread them away from my body, pulling on them to make me raise up some. He looked at me and told me I was so beautiful. I just hung my head in shame. He let go of one of my hands and lifted my chin up and kissed me again, softly and tenderly.
He stood back up and removed his shirt. I could not believe that he was going to undress in front of me! But fortunately he stopped with his shirt and boots. He had a very nice chest; broad, a light matting of hair, hard-looking muscles. I shuddered. I should not enjoy his nude body. Caleb picked me up and moved me further back up on the bed, and gently pushed me down. I tried again to cover my body, but he took my hands again and this time he raised them up over my head. He was holding both of my hands in one of his big, calloused hands. This was frightening, so wrong, but so...exciting. Dear God, I must be a wanton, I thought again as Caleb bent his head down to suckle at my breasts.
"Ahh!" I cried out as he sucked and nibbled on me. I quickly squelched my noise and drew my legs together as he continued to give pleasure to my breasts and nipples. I lay there trying to think of something...anything but what I was feeling, what he was doing to me. The hand that he was not using to hold my hands touched my breasts, gently squeezing my nipples, first one then the other. I closed my eyes and concentrated on not feeling these wonderful sensations he was causing in my body. He was cupping my breasts, then I felt his hand slide down my body until it reached just below my navel. I was petrified! He was going to touch me THERE? Oh, God no. This can't be happening to me! I squeezed my eyes closed tight and waited for him to finish, just as I did with Matthew. I was not supposed to enjoy this with my husband, so I surely should not enjoy it with this man. I was raised that women were supposed to submit to their husbands in bed, let them have their way so they could make babies. But this felt so good.
I felt his hand touch me...there. He used a foot and his hand to spread my legs apart. I was not going to enjoy this. I would not let him know he was making me feel good. His hand went to that place that only Matthew had touched. Even I use a cloth when I bathed, for heavens sake! Oh, what was he doing down there? I could feel his fingers rubbing around on me and I realized that I was wet between my thighs. How did that happen? I knew that there was always some moisture when Matthew did what he did to me, but I never knew how it got wet there. Until he spilled his seed, that is. I knew that I got wet with his gift to me. His baby-making gift he called it.
I was so very wet between my thighs. Caleb's fingers were slipping easily overy my private parts, and inside me. Goodness he was sticking his fingers inside me! Oh, it was feeling so awfully good! I realized that I was moaning and stopped myself. Caleb had heard me and was smiling down at me. "Feels nice, doesn't it, honey?" I shook my head hard. I wouldn't let him know. But he knew. I could tell my his smile that he knew I was enjoying what he was doing.
He bent down to my ear and whispered, "I'm going to make you come for me, Sarah. I'm going to give you a climax that you will remember for the rest of your life." And he kissed me again, worming his tongue into my mouth. I tried hard to just lay there, still. It was so difficult to not move around.
Suddenly I realized that Caleb had raised up from me and was moving down on the bed. Thank you God, I thought. He is finished.
But he wasn't. I felt him reach under my bottom and pull me towards him. I opened my eyes and could see that he was lying on the bed on his belly, moving his head towards my private place! He was looking right at it! Even Matthew had never done that! I clamped my eyes shut, hard. I could not look as he put his face right between my thighs in my woman's place. I could feel his breath on the hair there. Then I could tell that he was moving his face around the hair. Oh, this is terrible, I thought. I held my breath for as long as I could then it left my lungs in a rush. He stuck his tongue out and touched me THERE with his tongue! How could he? That was so nasty. But it felt so excruciatingly good. I must be terribly bad to be enjoying this disgusting thing he was doing to me.
I could not hold my body still. I felt my hips start to move as he licked me there, sticking his tongue into that place where Matthew's manhood went into me. He was using his tongue just like Matthew used his manhood. I was dumbfounded. My hips were movingof their own accord. My hands closed tightly into fists as I tried to make my body mind me.
"That's it, honey" I heard him say from down there. "Let go and enjoy it, Sarah. You deserve this. You should feel this good every time Matthew takes you" then I heard him mumble something under his breath that sounded like "bastard". I didn't care. I was concentrating on not feeling good. Not letting him win this battle.
He was flicking his tongue over a spot on my woman's place that sent sparks of fire all throughout my body. He licked that spot over and over, sending shockwaves cascading through me. Then he would stop that and suck on me, and stick his tongue inside me again. Then I felt something harder enter me again. Oh, dear God no, don't let him put his manhood inside me. But I knew that it could not be that, as he was still licking me. I realized that he was using his fingers inside me again, moving them in and out as he had done with his tongue, and he was also rubbing up on a spot inside me that made me feel extra good!
I was struggling to keep quiet, but not managing to do so. I could hear myself whimpering as my head thrashed back and forth on the bed. He kept on licking me there, and rubbing his fingers inside of me.
"No!" I yelled. "Dear God no!" I was wailing, tears running down my cheeks. This felt too good, so heavenly, so delicious. But it was so wrong! How could it be wrong and feel so good?"
I could hear him from between my legs, "Come for me, Sarah. Relax and let it happen. Just go with it. Come for me, honey."
I felt him raise up on the bed, his fingers still inside me working their evil magic on my body. He lay beside me and kissed me. I could smell and taste myself on him. I could feel the hardness of his manhood on my leg. I could not believe this was happening to me. I must be so terribly wicked to be enjoying this. And enjoying it I was.
"That's it, honey", he was whispering in my ear, "that's it. Go with it...let it happen for you. I'm going to make you come for me. I'm going to make you reach a climax."
I could barely hear him. It felt like blood was rumbling in my ears, and my body was on fire, especially that spot between my legs. I could feel how wet I was becoming down there.
Suddenly it happened! My body stiffened and Caleb kept pushing his fingers in and out of my body, rubbing his thumb on that one special spot on the outside. It hit me like a freight train. My back arched, my hands fisted and opened, fisted and opened. I screamed like a madwoman. I could not believe what I was feeling. It was so good that it almost hurt! But what a wonderful hurt it was. My whole body and mind were wrapped up in that very intense moment. Caleb must have moved back down on the bed because I somehow realized that he was once again using his mouth and tongue on me. The wonderful feelings wouldn't stop. I just screamed and thrashed about, my hips thrusting up to his face. I didn't care. Nothing mattered but those feelings my body was experiencing.
Finally, after what seemed to be hours, Caleb stopped and pulled back from me. He once again moved up and kissed me, then lay down beside me, gently rubbing my belly. I was breathing rapidly, feeling as if my lungs would burst and my heart would jump out of my chest. Gradually, however, my body began to return to normal, except for the throbbing I felt between my thighs. That kept on after my breathing had slowed.
I felt so humiliated. I could not look at Caleb. This time he did not force me to. I heard him speak. "Sarah, that is what you should feel every time Matthew takes you. I don't know why women are taught that stupid notion that they are supposed to just lie still and quiet while their menfolk take their pleasure. It just isn't right."
"Just please go now, Caleb." Tears of shame were sliding down my face. I lay there curled into myself as best I could.
"I'll go, Sarah. I'll leave after the morning chores are done. But I won't leave the place entirely until I know that Matthew is back. You won't see me, won't even know I'm around, but I gave Matthew my word that I'd keep an eye on you while he was gone."
I thought bitterly, yes, you sure kept an eye on me, alright. And then some. I was feeling such conflicting emotions. Fear, shame, excitement. I just wanted him to leave.
I felt him lean down and kiss me again, softly. Then I felt him get off the bed. He raised me up and pulled the covers down, then up over my body. I never opened my eyes until I knew that he was gone.
After I heard the door shut, I lay there, looking into the moonlit room, wondering what had transpired, why it had happened, and what would Matthew say? What would he do? He would kill Caleb if he ever found out and caught him. But I would never tell Matthew. I couldn't face him with this. Would he be able to tell? Dear Lord, I hoped not.
I reached my hand down under the covers and touched myself between the thighs, where I had never touched myself with a bare hand. It was very wet. I found that spot that Caleb had licked and sucked on. It was a little pebbly thing. And it felt very good when I touched it. I withdrew my hand from under the covers and turned over, my thighs slippery from the experience with Caleb, and cried myself to sleep.